Sleep Deprivation

I was very excited when my hold on the book,  5th trimester, was available through the Libby app. I prefer physical books to electronic copies, but in Covid times + having a baby and not always having access to a book that app has been a lifesaver. Sidenote, sometimes I feel guilty about reading instead of staring at my daughter's face the entire time she's taking a bottle but not enough to stop so I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Anyway, I was excited for this book because it's supposed to be full of tips and tricks about getting ready to go back to work after having a baby. I suppose it is full of tricks, but only for women who work in offices and honestly it felt like Lifetime movie office jobs in publishing or fashion design or fashion publishing. There are a few anecdotes from women who work outside of cubicles, but not many and the teacher fell flat for me. None of the tips were groundbreaking. Get daycare figured out, putting on lipstick will make

Today I opened my dresser drawer that had real pants from the long ago pre-Covid, pre-pregnancy time in my life. I'm not sure what possessed me to open that drawer while being dressed. I've been exclusively in leggings, sweats, pajama pants and anything with an elastic waist and stretchy fabric for a year now. I assumed buttons and zippers would stay in my twenties along with sleeping in. Instead of immediately closing the door, I saw my favorite pair of jeans on top. I've had these jeans for four years now. They shouldn't still be intact as they are from Target and I expect that Target clothes all come with a date that one day they will disenegrate while you are wearing them. However, this flower embroidered pair of pants that fits perfectly at my ankles (how many times does a 5'3" woman get to say that?) seemed to be going strong back in the pre days. In awe I lifted them out of the drawer. As I unfolded them, I worried that this would be a bad idea. I worrie

Today I went out to lunch and thrifting with a friend. I only planned on getting some old books to cut up for a craft project, a jean jacket and a green dress. I saw two lacy dresses, one that was white that I thought I could dye green. The fitting rooms were open. I haven't been in a fitting room since 2019. I got a room and couldn't get either dress to fit over my chest.  I figured that would happen and as such I didn't feel devastated as I assumed I would the first time back in a fitting room since giving birth. I thought I would hate my body after giving birth for how its changed and while there are still some things to get used to, I'm just pretty proud of it. The dresses weren't my size and if I were a sewing gal I might have taken seam rippers to them and created something to fit my body instead. I'm not so back on the rack they went.  Something I have been trying to work on is health and positive thinking. It's not easy some days to say nice things a

When I was late in my second trimester I had an idea to create a "plant curtain" in my living room window. I love plants, but so does Ollie, my cat. I have to hang them up so he won't devour them and I have to triple check that all green things that enter this house is non toxic to cats. I've gathered little green guys that claim to need bright light to thrive, but I've had to relocate two of them so far and I'm trying to talk my spider plant off the ledge. The window is west facing and gets a ton of bright afternoon sun. I cannot win. In my last home I didn't get hardly any light at all so nothing would grow and now I get TOO much sun for anything besides the donkey tail succulent to thrive. I'm going to have to lower the blinds or move the plants every afternoon or just let them wilt away this summer which seems harsh on several levels. I just wish "bright" was not always followed up with "indirect". Don't any of these guys ge

True love is getting an extra hour of sleep during the night. I have to say that Alex is a better person than I am in that regard!  There are times I have tried to pour from an empty cup and it simply does not end well. I honestly do not know how single parents manage. I tried to take Phoenix and Andy to the park yesterday, but it's still a little early for Phoenix to have experiences like that. I'm enjoying the snuggles for sure, but I'm so excited for her to start exploring and learning that I think I tried to rush it. At the same time, when we went on the art walk everyone told us now was the time to take her everywhere while it was easy to bundle her up and she wouldn't run all around like two year olds do. It's interesting how irritated I get at unsolicited patenting advice or even questions I wasn't anticipating. It's not like I haven't had those before, people who hadn't done a single bit of theatre were quite generous with their opinions befo

I wrote the first blog post, ate a chicken sandwich, and crashed. I crashed so hard that Alex and I switched shifts so I'm now up drinking coffee at almost 2 AM. I like maternity leave in the sense that time is very different than it used to be. My caffeine curfew of 3 PM no longer exists if I'm going to be up until 3 AM. Alex and I text each other how long bottles of milk will be good for, you blink and it's expired right when the baby starts to fuss for more. I thought I would hate that I blinked and a month went by, but I love watching her grow. I used to be terrified of newborns. My original birth plan was to be hit over the head and wake up to a 3 month old because that seemed more manageable. But this month has largely been filled with snuggles and I look forward to things she will be able to do one day like play with Andy and swing at the park.  I watch students grow up and go out in the real world a lot. I've watched parents struggle with their child leaving the