Fitting Room

Today I went out to lunch and thrifting with a friend. I only planned on getting some old books to cut up for a craft project, a jean jacket and a green dress. I saw two lacy dresses, one that was white that I thought I could dye green. The fitting rooms were open. I haven't been in a fitting room since 2019. I got a room and couldn't get either dress to fit over my chest. 
I figured that would happen and as such I didn't feel devastated as I assumed I would the first time back in a fitting room since giving birth. I thought I would hate my body after giving birth for how its changed and while there are still some things to get used to, I'm just pretty proud of it. The dresses weren't my size and if I were a sewing gal I might have taken seam rippers to them and created something to fit my body instead. I'm not so back on the rack they went. 
Something I have been trying to work on is health and positive thinking. It's not easy some days to say nice things about my body, but I don't want Phoenix to hear negativity from me about me. I don't want her to worry that her tummy is too big, that the extra scoop of ice cream or piece of pizza is going to ruin her body if she doesn't run it off the next day, or that because the dress didn't fit her that she needs to be altered through diets. I hope that the women in Phoenix's life who are already calling her beautiful will not call themselves ugly in front of her and not equal fat with ugliness. I hope that they will not berate themselves at birthday parties for eating a piece of cake or turning it down with loud protests of how they shouldn't. I hope that if they are clothes shopping with her that if something doesn't fit that they put it back on the rack and find something else instead. I hope they never shy away from swimming or dancing because they're ashamed of their bodies. I hope they celebrate what their bodies can do rather that despise them for not looking photoshopped. I hope food is about tasting good and nourishing bodies rather than praised for low calorie counts. 
I hope that if you read this that you felt like being kind to your body. It's not easy in a world that makes a lot of money off our insecurities.

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