Sleep Deprivation

Today I went out to lunch and thrifting with a friend. I only planned on getting some old books to cut up for a craft project, a jean jacket and a green dress. I saw two lacy dresses, one that was white that I thought I could dye green. The fitting rooms were open. I haven't been in a fitting room since 2019. I got a room and couldn't get either dress to fit over my chest.  I figured that would happen and as such I didn't feel devastated as I assumed I would the first time back in a fitting room since giving birth. I thought I would hate my body after giving birth for how its changed and while there are still some things to get used to, I'm just pretty proud of it. The dresses weren't my size and if I were a sewing gal I might have taken seam rippers to them and created something to fit my body instead. I'm not so back on the rack they went.  Something I have been trying to work on is health and positive thinking. It's not easy some days to say nice things a

When I was late in my second trimester I had an idea to create a "plant curtain" in my living room window. I love plants, but so does Ollie, my cat. I have to hang them up so he won't devour them and I have to triple check that all green things that enter this house is non toxic to cats. I've gathered little green guys that claim to need bright light to thrive, but I've had to relocate two of them so far and I'm trying to talk my spider plant off the ledge. The window is west facing and gets a ton of bright afternoon sun. I cannot win. In my last home I didn't get hardly any light at all so nothing would grow and now I get TOO much sun for anything besides the donkey tail succulent to thrive. I'm going to have to lower the blinds or move the plants every afternoon or just let them wilt away this summer which seems harsh on several levels. I just wish "bright" was not always followed up with "indirect". Don't any of these guys ge

True love is getting an extra hour of sleep during the night. I have to say that Alex is a better person than I am in that regard!  There are times I have tried to pour from an empty cup and it simply does not end well. I honestly do not know how single parents manage. I tried to take Phoenix and Andy to the park yesterday, but it's still a little early for Phoenix to have experiences like that. I'm enjoying the snuggles for sure, but I'm so excited for her to start exploring and learning that I think I tried to rush it. At the same time, when we went on the art walk everyone told us now was the time to take her everywhere while it was easy to bundle her up and she wouldn't run all around like two year olds do. It's interesting how irritated I get at unsolicited patenting advice or even questions I wasn't anticipating. It's not like I haven't had those before, people who hadn't done a single bit of theatre were quite generous with their opinions befo

I wrote the first blog post, ate a chicken sandwich, and crashed. I crashed so hard that Alex and I switched shifts so I'm now up drinking coffee at almost 2 AM. I like maternity leave in the sense that time is very different than it used to be. My caffeine curfew of 3 PM no longer exists if I'm going to be up until 3 AM. Alex and I text each other how long bottles of milk will be good for, you blink and it's expired right when the baby starts to fuss for more. I thought I would hate that I blinked and a month went by, but I love watching her grow. I used to be terrified of newborns. My original birth plan was to be hit over the head and wake up to a 3 month old because that seemed more manageable. But this month has largely been filled with snuggles and I look forward to things she will be able to do one day like play with Andy and swing at the park.  I watch students grow up and go out in the real world a lot. I've watched parents struggle with their child leaving the

I went up to take a nap while Alex watches the baby. I hate waking up and getting up in the middle of the night for our one month old, Phoenix, so we've started doing shifts at night where I take the first half then pass the baby off to Alex. Tonight will be our third night with this system. I should be trying to sleep right now, but when I am not directing a show I get a creative panic. I start thinking of what I SHOULD do and what I NEED to do and it all becomes a jumbled up mess in my mind until I write it all down. My mother read my food blogs in college religiously so at least she will enjoy that I am writing again and I will calm the creative panic in my head that is demanding me to paint ivy vines on the stairs or finally learn embroidery. So to kill a few minutes during my shift, I've decided to start up a blog again with ramblings of whatever I want. Maybe it'll be about the cutest baby in the world, maybe it'll be about my creative endeavors, maybe it'll b